The Bobologue for August 2004
There's something in the soul of every Angeleno that requires us to
get in a car every six months or so and freeway for six hours, to
either Vegas or San Francisco. This month it was San Francisco for
me, to see old college friend Leslie. We were friends back when we
were young and clever, so we spend most of the time reminding one
another of good one-liners we came up with back in the '80s. Anyway,
cruising that effortless strip of asphalt up the Central Valley
("Artichoke Capital of the World") your EEG flattens out and you do
things you wouldn't normally do -- things like, oh, let's say,
listening to gymnastics on the radio. (One more reason I hate the
Olympics.)
MASS APPEAL: Went Bowling with some friends, to see the new shell and
hear Bernstein's Mass. This is an odd piece I first heard on a CD
during my first year of college, in 1980 (it was commissioned by
Jackie O in honor of JFK, and premiered in 1971). Iconoclastic at the
least, blasphemous at the most. It's half symphony, half Broadway --
Steven Schwarz, author of Godspell, collaborated. Having spent my
life to that point in the Bible belt, it shook my world to hear voices
discussing religion from anything but a devout Christian viewpoint.
Bernstein's Mass is a microcosm of religious faith in the 20th century
-- devout believers, yes, but also devout unbelievers and cynical
believers. There are some unabashed, unironic and truly glorious
praise songs, but most of the singers are trying to work something out
with God. Wondering where her faith went ("I miss the gloria"),
asking for reciprocal faith ("I'll believe in any God, if they'll
believe in me"). The Dona Nobis Pacem ("Grant us peace") breaks into
pandemonium when the congregation stops asking and starts telling.
I'd give the theater an A for effort and a B for execution -- it
probably tries to do too much and introduce too many voices. But the
music gets an A+ all the way around.
THE BUSINESS IDEA THAT WILL MAKE US BOTH RICH IF YOU IMPLEMENT IT:
curbwatch.com. Log on to find out what furniture is sitting out on a
curb anywhere in L.A. County.
I have nothing against gay men, but I wouldn't want my daughter to
marry one.
COMING SOON TO A CHURCH NEAR YOU: A low-carb option for communion --
maybe a big meat loaf. Meanwhile, I'm sticking with my low-fat diet.
I love Tootsie Rolls, because they're high-sugar low-fat. I know my
body is going to turn it into fat anyway, but that takes energy.
Some days, turning sugar into fat is about all the exercise I get.
As a public service, I recorded the
Foxwoods ad off an internet Mets broadcast. Now you don't have to
live in New York to hear the coolest pop song on the airwaves.
Another audio bonus: a
preview cut from my upcoming album, entitled "My Pedal Has a Lot
of Presets". That's because, two years after buying a cheap electric
guitar, I finally bought an effects pedal that can allow it to make
interesting sounds. Used to be, electric guitarists had to decide
what kind of sound they wanted to have and buy an amp that would give
them that sound. Today, thanks to digital modeling technology, you
can buy one electronic device that's cheaper than an amp, but can
simulate the sound of a dozen different amps. In addition to amp
modeling, it has four or five effects, like delays and reverbs, so the
possibilities are limitless (in this case, "limitless" is a synonym
for 12 to the 5th power). The experts at the manufacturer came up
with 40 "presets", each a combination of amp model and effects which
make a very characteristic sound. The upshot is, it makes someone who
can't do much sound like they can do anything. I'm very pleased with
my pedal.
Two consecutive sentences in an email from Sprint customer service:
I apologize as I am unable to assist you with this concern at this
end. It was a pleasure assisting you.
THE GUY AT WAHOO'S: Thank you, and God bless ... [by this time, I was
already disengaged and walking away] ... America.
Is there a difference between "intelligence failure" and "stupidity"?
My fear is that the U.S. is about to exhibit another intelligence
failure this November. A lot of Bush haters have told me with
confidence that Bush is going down, but I think they mostly believe
that because they really, really want it to be true.
COOKING BOB'S WAY
<-------- My Big Fat Greek Potato Salad --------->
You want to serve it cool, so boil up some potatoes several hours in
advance. Stop when a fork can go in easily, but before you have total
mush. After they've been in the fridge a while, it's time to make the
dressing. Pour a quarter cup of olive oil into a large serving bowl.
Add a teaspoon of balsamic vinegar, and/or a teaspoon of lemon juice.
Shake in some dried oregeno, some basil (fresh and chopped if you can
get it, but dried is good too), some thin thin garlic slices, and a
third pound of crumbled feta (or bleu cheese if you're the type).
After that, use your imagination. I like thin rings of red onions.
Red and yellow bell peppers are good for color, but not so much you
can taste them. Almonds, whole or slivered, are fun. (To me, it's
Greek if it has olive oil, almonds and feta.) If there are no pinko
leftist vegetarians coming, some smoked sausage or polska kielbasa is
tasty. Finally, dice your potatoes, add them to the bowl, and smear
them in the sauce real good. Serve promptly, before the balsamic
vinegar pervades all.
return to the Bobologue page