EVERYONE I think I'm becoming more like everyone else. As those of you who know me can imagine, I don't necessarily think this is a good thing. I think there's room in God's kingdom for people who remain rational, who aren't tossed about on the winds of emotion. Put it this way -- suppose I told you I was getting work done for the first time in three years and enjoying it, that I feel well-loved and supported by my community and family, that a woman who turned me down 4 months ago has a new boyfriend, that graduation is in sight and exciting possibilities await beyond, that the weather is wonderful, and that the Dodgers are in first place. Would you expect me to feel bad? A few years ago, my emotions were averaged over my life -- if the good outweighed the bad I would feel OK, and if I felt bad it was because the bad outweighed the good and I would feel that way until something changed. Now the little bit of bad can make me feel completely bad -- and I feel that way for a day or two and then get over it for no reason. Tossed about on the waves. It reminds me of my (Catholic) friend Claire's philosophy of life: "Everyone suffers as much as they possibly can." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MY NUDE BODY OK, the squeamish among you should stop reading right here and skip to the next topic. There -- are the rest of you with me? So after a recent shower I was beholding myself in a full-length mirror. And I thought I looked OK from the neck up. And I thought I looked OK from the neck down. But the head just didn't go with the body. The body seemed more, well, serious. So do you think I should make my head more serious, or my body more goofy, or just live with the dissonance? And what's the deal with contacts? My first eye exam in 10 years is coming up, so it gets me thinking. Do they have any advantage over glasses for a non-vain person? I'm vain enough to ask the question, but probably not enough to buy them if the answer is no. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ VIVA EL CAPITALISMO I shot the wedding video for my first client and it felt good to do an honest day's work for a change. At age 39, this is my first venture into the market economy -- my first attempt to create something of value for which a consumer will exchange money. Sure, I worked for GE for a year, but I didn't talk to customers, and didn't talk to anyone who talked to customers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ OTHER STUFF THAT HAPPENED I rode Amtrack down to San Diego where a friend was "installed" as pastor of a mission church. Even though the views aren't so great in that direction, train is the only civilized way to travel. I stayed up until 4:00 one night, obsessed with fixing my computer speakers which I had dropped. Only the switch had broken, so I powered the baby up and spent the night waking my roommate up as I used a bobby pin to short out various contacts on the circuit board while my Bob Wills CD played. My friend, the glamorous Tehrina, showed up for a visit and I fixed a meal so fancy, the recipe called for grapefruit zest. (Though I, being heterosexual, ignored that part of the recipe.) Four people were brave enough to eat my carbonara (spaghetti and raw eggs -- yumm!) I showed off my juggling skills to a 2-year-old I know. You can judge the extent of my skill when I tell you that when I gave the balls to Lucas, he imitated his understanding of what I had done by rapidly throwing the balls to the floor one at a time. On the health and nutrition front, I decided trying to take on too many good habits wasn't working. So my new plan is to adopt one good habit (or renounce one bad habit) per month. Last month it was deep breathing. This month it was, whenever I feel like snacking, eating an apple first even if I'm sure it won't satisfy me. Then I can go on to eat the junk, but hopefully a little less of it. You know those computers at the grocery store that analyze your purchases and print out coupons to lure you into more profitable purchases that may interest you? Well, the one at Ralph's grocery must be broken -- it's trying to get me to buy baby food. 30-SOMETHING SHE1: So ... do you know how old Paul is? 30-SOMETHING SHE2: He's gay. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote of the Month: "Ain't no crime in bein' poor and it don't bother me no more Better off than six feet in the ground Ain't no shame in bein' sad It's a common cold that we've all had Just one sure-fire cure has been found" -- David Vidal (father of wee-man Sam) Current Reading: On the train, I read a Raymond Chandler (Philip Marlowe detective fiction) I'd been hoarding for years, and it did not disappoint. Now I'm reading "Alburquerque" (yes, that's how he spells it) which is not a masterpiece but pretty good and extremely readable. It's most remarkable for dropping in a tad of magical realism, but only when one of the characters is drunk.